HOW TO HAVE A BLISSFUL BIRTH EXPERIENCE

A few years ago I listened to a woman’s confession that shook me to the core. She was recounting how after giving birth to her baby she was absolutely disgusted. She did not feel any connection to her child and felt no love for him. It took her many years of inner work and releasing the shame to start feeling a small amount of love for the child.

At that time I did not understand how that could be possible. And even more, why does that happen? Why a biological mother who by nature’s design should be deeply connected with the infant feel a lack of love and even disgust towards him?

But as I was preparing for my own birth, I learned that this is in no way a rare occurrence. In fact it happens so often that it raises a question: what is happening with our biology or rather our system? Perhaps you haven’t heard of this before, but it’s not really surprising. Women that go through it feel so much shame that they simply don’t have the courage to share their stories with others. But it’s not their fault.

As I mentioned, we are created to love, protect and do anything for our children by design. Including even sacrificing our own lives. Every single stage of having a child provides us with necessary hormones to feel and strengthen the bond we have with our children. Giving birth and feeling no love is certainly not a natural or normal occurrence.

It’s a consequence of our broken system.

Once a woman decides or is forced to have an unnatural or “disturbed” birth, she is giving away her innate power (unless of course it’s a real emergency, which is more rare than you think). The “disturbance” might seem small or insignificant, but when it comes to birth, our bodies come back to a very primal state and anything, especially medical interventions, can disrupt this most sacred process of birth and bonding with a newly arrived baby.

It all starts with the environment.

Bright lights and unfamiliar faces of nurses, doctors, students and other people such as birth photographers makes the mama feel uncomfortable (even if she thinks that she’s ok with it!) and decreases the production of the love hormone – oxytocin – which works as a natural pain relief and directs her towards an ecstatic birth experience.

Since pain becomes unsupportable, epidural is then suggested to her. Epidural further reduces the production of oxytocin and in turn slows down the contractions and prolongs labour.

But contractions are necessary to get the baby out!

What do you do then?

The doctors load her up with pitocin to increase the contractions. Pitocin is a synthetic form of the same hormone oxytocin. Pitocin increases contractions but also stress.

Now with all this stress and medications the mother starts becoming completely exhausted and the heart rhythm of the baby starts to decline.

Solution?

Artificial rupture of membranes (breaking the waters) to speed up the delivery which often leads to infections, antibiotics and then…

Caesarean section (or forceps, episiotomy, vacuum…)! Cause…there is no more time to think.

Woman is medicated again. The baby is taken away.

All of this chain of events leads to depleted mother, disrupted love hormones, interrupted bonding, disconnected child and broken hearts. It’s exactly because of this hormonal interference that so many mothers do not properly bond with their children and often even feel disgust towards them. Animal models prove that hormonal interference close to birth produces LIFE LONG consequences and changes in hormones and behaviour!

The potential of the most magical moment in their life is taken away and exchanged by a birth trauma. Shock. Shame.

And then women think that something is wrong with them. And worse – they think that doctors saved their lives where they initially caused the problem and then simply offered a solution to the same problem.

Why am I talking about this today?

This is not to negate the power of the medical system to save lives. It is absolutely necessary in cases of emergency. Even though we ourselves spent 9 months preparing for a free birth, we’re grateful to the safety that the medical system ended up offering us. Even though it did cause some trauma, if we wouldn’t have been ready and informed, it was clear that it would have been so much worse.

This is rather just one example to show how our system is built to create more problems and then offer us the solutions. In fact, our society is built on creating problems and selling solutions. And you have to become conscious of it.

No matter what happened to you, don’t forget – it is not your fault. It’s ok to feel what you feel. You feel love, don’t feel love, you feel hate, you feel shame. Whatever it is, do not shut the door on your feelings. They are there for a reason. If you leave them in a dark corner of your subconscious, they will only come back with more power later in your life. Rather shed light on it, share it in a safe space.

And if you are planning to have children now or in the future and birth in this world, it’s important to do your research and know your rights. With no doubt you should always choose a setup that makes YOU feel the safest. Whether it’s a hospital, birth center or home. But wherever you go, prepare for that most magical moment with care and don’t miss out on it.

And if you’re interested in a natural pregnancy & birth, I highly recommend the “Gentle birth, gentle mothering” book that was one of the resources that helped me to prepare for my own birth and make the right decisions in the process. If you’re a future mama, it’s one of the must reads.❤️